Book Review: Modern Romance

-Originally published on February 5, 2019-

The first book on my list for 2019 was Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. My friends Leah and Bridie wanted to educate me on online dating and being single so they leant me this book and I was not disappointed. Let’s just jump into the review.

So, first off, who is Aziz?

This man is Aziz Ansari:

He’s a comedian who has his own show, Master of None, and starred on Parks and Recreation. He currently also does voice over for Bob’s Burgers (That’s right, he DOES voice Darryl).

So, is the book about Aziz?

Sort of? It’s not your average celebrity autobiography. While it discusses Aziz’s life to some extent, it’s mostly a non-fiction book that Aziz researched all about how to date and be single in the modern world. But still, Aziz adds in lots of his comedic flair to get the point across.

Now, the review

This book honestly changed my life. I’m not kidding. It was so validating, and explained that everything I have ever felt about online dating was not only shared by many, many people, but is also scientifically accurate.

It’s filled with facts about how people date and how they meet people in the 21st century. So many people meet through online dating. Many people get married because they met online. And, as someone who has tried online dating before, it was really reassuring to know that the stigma around online dating isn’t as pronounced as it seems.

However, what really hit home was the idea that online dating is really hard. It seems like it’s easy; you just swipe through some people, match if you want to, chat if you want to and go out if you want to. There’s no stress in whether or not the guy wants to go on a date with you because he swiped on you and he’s looking. It seems really simple and fool-proof.

But anyone who has every tried online dating KNOWS that it isn’t that easy. Actually getting to the dating part of the online dating app is tedious. You can talk forever and never meet in person. And, the idea that every single in your area is right at your finger tips leads to indecision. It fosters a sense that there is always someone better coming. This makes it really hard to ever focus on the present and to be in the moment with your date. If your date does one thing wrong, you know that you could just go to the bathroom and message someone else to go out with.

What I didn’t realize was how difficult it is to foster something strong when there are so many choices. Aziz details about how his parents were in an arranged marriage and are still together. All Aziz’s father wanted was someone who was the right height and who his parents liked. He didn’t have the whole single world at his fingertips. And so, he made his choice and they haven’t gotten divorced. When there are very few choices, it’s easier to be happy with what you have. But when the whole world is out there, it’s impossible to stick with one thing.

As an online dater, this made a lot of sense to me. I was so exhausted from online dating. I was working so hard and not getting anywhere. Sure, I’d get the odd discussion that would turn into a date, but I’ve never gotten past a second date with a guy I met online. While on the date, I would always be thinking about all of my other options. And, I’d always be worried that he was also thinking about all of his other options.

I expected this book to really criticize or hate on online dating, but in reality, it really validated my feelings about the process and that it isn’t all bad. People are meeting a lot of their significant others online and that’s fantastic. But, it also reminded me that everyone is also struggling with the same things. I have deleted my online dating apps from my phone for the time being, and I’ve been really giving what Aziz wrote about a lot of thought.

Of course, there’s a ton of other stuff in the book. Aziz talks about the dating scene around the world (the Tokyo dating scene being incredibly interesting). He talks about cheating in the online world, sexting in the online world, and how people without the internet went about dating.

While it is really sciencey, Aziz inserts his comedic touch to make it readable and relatable.

If you’re single, this is a definite must-read. If you’re dating in an online world, it’s also worth the read. And even if you’re married and happy, it’s a really interesting read to see how the world has changed through dating and how people interact now online.

If you’ve read the book, let me know your thoughts in the comments below!